Hotel Ambivalence; A Romance with Me

I smoke cigarettes constantly
And drink wild amounts on unreasonable nights.

Struggling to stay reasonable and rational,
Irrationally dreaming of my dead friends who number five now,
I am that unreasonable bachelor, bored and apathetic,
Bounding and dancing to and from existential crises.

I have traversed treachery and ecstasy.

I have writhed and wept and loved many times.
My ascent of the mountain of madness left me tired.
How can the universe still be so remarkable?

How can a bleary-eyed comprehension of existence
Be anything other than utterly exhausting/

The worst times of my life are so arcane.
The universe’s unfolding seems so unrighteous but unshakable.

Perpetually wetting my cheeks with innocence tears for all life,
Lonely-lost-confused… Chaotic-inaccessible-untreatable.
I see blotches of colors and madness everywhere.  I don’t feel poorly about it.
What do you care if I daydream multi-colored sunflowers smooching while playing violas  on celestial beaches?
You shouldn’t because I don’t mind.  In fact, I love my nature.
I love every moment of this imperfect, bluish green, serene eternity.