My biggest fear is forgetting to miss someone.
Once upon a grim time, I believed something wrong with me.
I thought I was ill-mannered and unloved and weird.
Surely, this was partly true. For there is, indubitably, a dark side to every moon, to me and you.
But truthfully, I am a giggly, gregarious fool.
You see, I used to delude myself into believing that no one cared about me.
My heart fire extinguished… nothing but useless ashes…
I genuinely adore most people.
Some, I even love.
But I have a bugbear…
I fear I try too hard while trying to make up for lost time.
Possibly… Possibly I was wrong to think people don’t care about me;
However, the most likely explanation is that I cared too much for the wrong people.
And it stings.
But dammit, there is something extraordinary about you and me, something like a divine spark that will travel and Illuminate the cosmos forever.
So I am not missing a beat.
The moment someone mistreats me
I will be up and on my feet
And out the door never to return.
Not even once more.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot to treat every day like I am with my best friends.
I long to live like this is all I will ever have and I yearn to relive It again and again and again, forever,
Until I finally I become so perfect I burst through the confines of my intellect and spirituality.
I will become something more.
Not something like a God, though.
Something like a starry-eyed wanderer
With a blank slate I get to decorate
With melodious, multicolored visions.
I want to paint some woman’s naked body after passionately Fucking with the lights on because I want to explore the entirety of someone else’s Eternity with no fear of judgment as I slowly pass in and out of a tranquil ocean of cummy peace.
And, my tears for all of the tragedy in the world won’t stop me.
Even if another friend of so many dies too young like Hayley And Stephanie and Mary Kaitlin, I will not cease.
I will not be altered.
I still love so fearlessly that the universe’s heart skips a beat
And begins dancing to the rhythm and blues of my dreams.
And, the universe will know a joy so intense it is like a parent
Holding a child in their arms for the first time.
I will leave friends and chase my destiny across the world
Looking for the perfect glimmer of hope in one woman’s eyes.
And, I will partake in a communion of sorts with my family that
Will love me beyond death and loathing and drugs.
Somewhere along the way, I forgot to treat every day like it may be my last moments with my best friends.
Friends live complex lives of which I am not the center.
Truth is, we don’t know when someone will disappear from our lives; this is scary at times.
But I am starting to believe that the course of my life is unfolding as it does.
This life doesn’t have to be fantastic, poetic, or perfect.
It Simply has to be what is was, what it is, and what it will Become.
I will remain calm, cool, and composed like an Evergreen in the winter frost.
We are all priceless works of art, poems of ourselves, that I yearn to bring with my into my future lives.